Vernon couple open hearts, home to children with special
needs
By Suzanne Carlson
Journal Inquirer
Published: Friday, December 31, 2010
11:50 AM EST
VERNON
— David and Terri Greenier always have known they wanted a big family.
“When Terri and I were 17 and 16 years old, which was three years after we
met, we had been talking about how many kids we wanted if we ever got
married. We both had the same number: 17,” David, 50, said during a recent
interview at the couple’s rented four-bedroom home on Regan Street.
Their family isn’t quite that large yet, but it’s getting close, and its
warm home is filled with toys, books, restored clocks, colored drawings,
and several pets. In addition to their four biological children, Martha,
26; Benjamin, 22; Sarah, 18; and Hannah, 16; the Greeniers adopted four
more, Julia, 25; Erica, 12; Max, 11; and Shyheim, 12, who died Nov. 28.
It’s been a long, winding journey for the large and ever-growing family,
which has formed a Christian ministry called “Lamb’s Way,” which seeks to
support children with special health care needs and their families.
The mood in the couple’s home the night before Christmas Eve was warm and
loving, but years before, Terri, 48, and David said their marriage was
nearly torn apart.
“My life was nothing at one point, Terri and I were in divorce court,”
David said. They married when David was 21 and Terri was 19, and five
years later, “We were in a drug-infested area here in town, and basically
what happened was alcohol, drugs, and affairs with other people … just
really destroyed our marriage.”
Terri said she kicked David out of the home they shared with their
daughter Martha and had his law enforcement brother scare him into giving
up cocaine. After weeks of prayer, fighting, counseling, and discussion,
they eventually reconciled the night before their first scheduled court
date.
Instead of splitting up, they fired their lawyers and, “we started all
over again,” Terri said.
They can laugh about their painful past now — “Where else am I going to
find anybody who will put up with me?” David joked — but, “it took lots of
time, it took years for us to work it back together,” Terri said.
In addition to having their own children, the couple always wanted to
adopt, so after consulting their biological children, they took in Shyheim
shortly after he was born in April 1998.
The still unnamed, 5-pound infant was suffering from the effects of drug
exposure, but, “they said just take him home and treat him like a normal
baby because we don’t know what’s wrong with him,” David said.
Over the next several months, the Greeniers realized their child was blind
and severely disabled.
“He had so many issues they couldn’t even really give a clear diagnosis,”
David said.
Among his other disorders, Shyheim suffered from microcephaly, a
neurological disorder that Terri explained happens when brain doesn’t grow
to normal size and cannot carry out much of the body’s functions.
“He did not like being touched, he did not like being cuddled. … You
couldn’t give him a bath because he couldn’t deal with the sensory input,”
David said.
Eventually Shyheim became more used to the world and his symptoms such as
seizures subsided, but he spent much of his short life in and out of the
hospital with pneumonia and other complications.
While David worked as a
CNC lathe operator at a company in
Bloomfield, Terri cared
for Shyheim and the other children. Martha, who was 14 at the time,
essentially ran the household for a couple weeks.
“It was just wrong, so we really started praying about it and the Lord
really impressed upon me that Terri cannot do this alone,” David said.
After 13 years at a job he loved, he said God told him to quit and stay
home, so he reluctantly told Terri the news.
“I said, ‘Praise the Lord! He told me that three weeks ago!” Terri said,
laughing.
The family took in another infant, Max, in March 2000, and a few days
later, David left his job at the age of 38 and the family now relies on
state funding and community support.
Though they were hoping for a relatively healthy child, Max turned out to
be hydrocephalic, a condition in which fluid in the skull squeezes the
brain and must be drained regularly through a shunt.
“Once they come in, we’re committed no matter what, and so, there was no
way I was going to send him back because there was a medical issue I
didn’t want to deal with,” Terri said.
Because of infections and other complications, Max’s shunt, which is a
tube inserted through a hole in the skull, had to be revised eight times
in eight months.
“There was a couple of times that he almost died,” Terri said.
And “by the time he was 4, the neurologist told us that he was now a
million-dollar baby,” David added.
Raising medically complex children requires great emotional strength and
the Greeniers said they’ve thought hard about the issues surrounding their
decisions, including how they are viewed by minorities for taking in two
disabled black children and how other Christians feel about their choices.
“There are many people, especially in the Christian community, that wanted
to know well, why are we keeping him from going to see Jesus instead of
staying here with us?” David said of Shyheim. “Are we doing this for him
or are we doing it to him?”
For two children with little mobility or cognitive function, “What is the
standard of quality of life, how do you measure that? Really, we measure
that in the child’s desire to live,” David said.
Because doctors are constantly on rotation in hospitals and “each doctor
wants to make sure that they’re hearing from you clearly what your wishes
are … every week you’re having to talk about the life and death of your
son,” Terri said.
When they finally made the decision to remove Shyheim from life support,
doctors said he would linger for several hours, but instead he died within
10 minutes.
After adopting Max, the Greeniers took in a little girl named Erica, who
also suffers from a host of serious, but less-debilitating disorders, such
as issues with her heart and kidneys.
They also met Julia, who was 19 at the time, at church, and upon learning
of the personal issues she was struggling with, invited her to live with
them.
Eventually, they legally adopted Julia, who also took their name.
“She had big issues, and we knew that going into it, but we also knew that
more than anything else in the world, she just needed somebody to stop and
love her. It was cool because how many parents get picked by their kids?”
David said.
Julia married and moved out of the home, but returned a few weeks ago with
her three young children when the relationship turned abusive.
Their oldest daughter Martha, who is now married, became certified as a
home care specialist and now spends her days working in the family’s home,
taking care of her younger siblings.
Benjamin, who was primarily home schooled, has decided to stay home and
help care for his siblings as well.
Hannah — whose “special need” is that she craves affection, David joked —
is also devoted to the family, and though Sarah is studying at a Christian
college in Canada, she stays in close contact with those at home and said
she expects to return and become a teacher one day.
The Greeniers know what people must think about their unusual lifestyle,
and they and Benjamin laughed off assumptions that they raise their
children in some kind of super-religious cult. Both Terri and David are
extremely open with their children about their own checkered pasts, and
they say they want their children to be able to come to them, no matter
what problems they might be struggling with.
While talking about their family, a teenage girl David introduced as
Princess walked in from outside and gave kisses and hugs all around.
“This is one of our blessings: Princess is an unofficial adoption,” David
said, to which she replied, smiling, “I wish it was official.”
They would take in more children if they had the space, and are looking to
find a larger, permanent home they can build into a full-blown facility
for special-needs care. David said he envisions a community-type structure
where older, retired individuals can come help care for children and young
kids can learn how to raise crops and become self-reliant.
“We’ve learned a lot through these kids. … We know that we’re making a
difference when people see what we’re doing and they love what we’re
doing,” David said. “People have said they want to come live with us and
help raise these children, and that just blows us away.”
It’s not the family they expected, but they say they wouldn’t change
anything.
“Had we known what we were going to go through with them when we first
started this, we would have run away in fear. But since then, many people
have come to us and said, ‘You know, God bless you guys because there’s no
way I could ever do that,’” David said. “And they’re right. You can only
do what you’re called to do.”
To learn more about Lamb’s Way or to donate, visit
lambsway.org |
